SNS 007: Love, Does It Only Mean Being Nice?

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Show Notes

When thinking of love, we tend to think of all those things that are nice and compassionate. Things which, avoid hurting another person’s feelings, things which actually make someone feel good, correct? I mean, it is imperative to play nice! Yet… is that all there is to love, being nice? Is there something else we need to learn that will help us see that love is deeper than mere niceties? That is what we are going to explore here in episode 7.

My name is Charles, and this is the Simple Not Shallow Podcast. A podcast for those who want a deeper faith, not a confusing one. That is what our name is about, keeping faith in Christ simple enough for a child like me to understand it and yet, not so shallow that when the storms of life hit, our faith runs aground. 

Being nice…. Right out of the gate, you might be asking, “What’s the big deal about being nice? Shouldn’t we as Christians be nice to folks? Being nice to people is a good thing, right? It can be. But I have found that too often, being nice is the good that is not good enough. That it is actually the good that is the enemy of the best. Let me explain.

I have found that love exceeds being nice as a glacier exceeds a piece of shaved ice. There really is no comparison. Oswald Chambers once said that lust counterfeits love as personality counterfeits character. I think the same can be said about being nice, though, it counterfeits both love and character. For being nice merely involves actions taken whether we mean them or not, love, on the other hand, is an inner motivation, that leads us to mean them whether we are feeling loving or not. A very profound difference. 

The first leads to being a pleasing and agreeable person. The second to being a caring, compassionate, and honest one (1 Corinthians 13). The first leads to being respectable, the second to showing respect to everyone (1 Peter 2:17). The first leads to being civil to those who mistreat you, the second to actually doing good to those who hate you (Matthew 5:44). The first may lead to politely saying nothing when evil is done to you or you are insulted. The second leads you to bless those who are doing these things (1 Peter 3:9). Are you seeing the difference?

And here is an interesting thought; being nice can actually be obnoxious and repugnant if these niceties are not motivated by love. I mean if keeping God’s religious laws without love are meaningless and obnoxious (1 Corinthians 13:1-3), wouldn’t mere trifling niceties be so as well? Haven’t you ever wished someone would just stop it when you knew their civility was empty and hollow?  I have, for that is true hypocrisy. 

Now, don’t misunderstand me. Treating people with respect, dignity, integrity, and honesty is vitally important. Having tact when dealing with others is of paramount importance. All of that is the loving thing to do. Yet, these are weightier matters than merely being pleasing and agreeable to others. Indeed, I have often grown the most when dealing with those who, while showing me respect and treating me with dignity, were not being either pleasing or agreeable. They were tactful and honest but not nice. Being nice is a societal limitation on behavior. Being loving is the behavioral empowerment from God to help others find abundance in life. 

Allow me to offer for your consideration a couple of interesting passages I have stumbled on in which our loving Lord, Jesus, says and does things that don’t seem very nice. Though, as we know, Jesus was always in God’s, the Father’s love and did all that the Father wanted of him (John 10:30; 15:10; 17:21). And since God is love (1 John 4:8, 16), Jesus was always loving in all he did. So, here are the passages in no particular order.

The first passage reads, “But Jesus, didn’t trust himself to them, because he knew everyone, and because he didn’t need for anyone to testify concerning man; for he himself knew what was in man” (Jn 2:24, 25). What an intriguing passage. Here, the one who is the embodiment of love does not entrust his well-being to those he loves. Yet, how is it nice to not trust those you say you love? Doesn’t that make your head spin? Though, love does make honest assessments and requires no more of the one loved than what he or she is capable of giving. This is honesty, integrity, the giving of dignity, but nothing to do with being nice.

 If that passage has given you cause to pause, then linger over this one, “I send you out as sheep among wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. But beware of men…” (Mt 10:16, 17). Beware of men, that is also not such a nice statement, right? Though, love does prepare and protect the ones loved and gives honest assessments of those involved. Yet, it bears no grudges; be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves. Be wise, be harmless, and beware. To be loving, then, is to be cautious. To be loving is to be wise. To be loving is to be innocent and harmless. How intriguing.

But wait, there is more. Jesus, immediately after issuing a warning against being a hypocrite and condemning others for practicing lesser evils than you do, which seems nice enough, says something that might not be apparently so. “Don’t give what is holy to the dogs, neither throw your pearls before the pigs, lest perhaps they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces” (Mt 7:6, 7). This doesn’t sound like such a nice thing to say, does it? I mean, is it not loving to share Jesus with others? Yes. But apparently, there is something deeper being said about what it means to love. Apparently, there is some wisdom needed in sharing holy things and loving others. Apparently to love is not a superficial warm and fuzzy gloss for our actions. Love, it now seems, does not belong to the poet, the coward, or the one who “plays nice.”

Because we are getting a little long here, we’ll have to leave a fuller exploration of that passage for another episode. For now, it is enough to see that there is more to God’s love than being nice and sometimes being nice can get in the way. So, for now, my prayer is that you will begin to pray; asking God to teach you how to love, to give you the wisdom (James 1:5) to love simply, wisely, and well. To… stay out of the shallows and enter the depths of God’s love. To learn to love so you can stop being merely nice. For that is where true life is found.

Well, what do you think? I’d love to hear from you, so please, go to simplenotshallow.com, and under the Simple Not Shallow Podcast section, find this episode, #7, and leave a comment for me there. Also, in the show notes, I’ll list all the verses I referenced, in the order and at the location in the transcript at which I referenced them. That way you can check me out to make sure I’m not totally in left field.  Also, please take a second to rate this episode and subscribe to this podcast through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify… or whichever service you use. Thank you. I’ll catch you next time.

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