SNS 007: Love, Does It Only Mean Being Nice?

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Show Notes

When thinking of love, we tend to think of all those things that are nice and compassionate. Things which, avoid hurting another person’s feelings, things which actually make someone feel good, correct? I mean, it is imperative to play nice! Yet… is that all there is to love, being nice? Is there something else we need to learn that will help us see that love is deeper than mere niceties? That is what we are going to explore here in episode 7.

My name is Charles, and this is the Simple Not Shallow Podcast. A podcast for those who want a deeper faith, not a confusing one. That is what our name is about, keeping faith in Christ simple enough for a child like me to understand it and yet, not so shallow that when the storms of life hit, our faith runs aground. 

Being nice…. Right out of the gate, you might be asking, “What’s the big deal about being nice? Shouldn’t we as Christians be nice to folks? Being nice to people is a good thing, right? It can be. But I have found that too often, being nice is the good that is not good enough. That it is actually the good that is the enemy of the best. Let me explain.

I have found that love exceeds being nice as a glacier exceeds a piece of shaved ice. There really is no comparison. Oswald Chambers once said that lust counterfeits love as personality counterfeits character. I think the same can be said about being nice, though, it counterfeits both love and character. For being nice merely involves actions taken whether we mean them or not, love, on the other hand, is an inner motivation, that leads us to mean them whether we are feeling loving or not. A very profound difference. 

The first leads to being a pleasing and agreeable person. The second to being a caring, compassionate, and honest one (1 Corinthians 13). The first leads to being respectable, the second to showing respect to everyone (1 Peter 2:17). The first leads to being civil to those who mistreat you, the second to actually doing good to those who hate you (Matthew 5:44). The first may lead to politely saying nothing when evil is done to you or you are insulted. The second leads you to bless those who are doing these things (1 Peter 3:9). Are you seeing the difference?

And here is an interesting thought; being nice can actually be obnoxious and repugnant if these niceties are not motivated by love. I mean if keeping God’s religious laws without love are meaningless and obnoxious (1 Corinthians 13:1-3), wouldn’t mere trifling niceties be so as well? Haven’t you ever wished someone would just stop it when you knew their civility was empty and hollow?  I have, for that is true hypocrisy. 

Now, don’t misunderstand me. Treating people with respect, dignity, integrity, and honesty is vitally important. Having tact when dealing with others is of paramount importance. All of that is the loving thing to do. Yet, these are weightier matters than merely being pleasing and agreeable to others. Indeed, I have often grown the most when dealing with those who, while showing me respect and treating me with dignity, were not being either pleasing or agreeable. They were tactful and honest but not nice. Being nice is a societal limitation on behavior. Being loving is the behavioral empowerment from God to help others find abundance in life. 

Allow me to offer for your consideration a couple of interesting passages I have stumbled on in which our loving Lord, Jesus, says and does things that don’t seem very nice. Though, as we know, Jesus was always in God’s, the Father’s love and did all that the Father wanted of him (John 10:30; 15:10; 17:21). And since God is love (1 John 4:8, 16), Jesus was always loving in all he did. So, here are the passages in no particular order.

The first passage reads, “But Jesus, didn’t trust himself to them, because he knew everyone, and because he didn’t need for anyone to testify concerning man; for he himself knew what was in man” (Jn 2:24, 25). What an intriguing passage. Here, the one who is the embodiment of love does not entrust his well-being to those he loves. Yet, how is it nice to not trust those you say you love? Doesn’t that make your head spin? Though, love does make honest assessments and requires no more of the one loved than what he or she is capable of giving. This is honesty, integrity, the giving of dignity, but nothing to do with being nice.

 If that passage has given you cause to pause, then linger over this one, “I send you out as sheep among wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. But beware of men…” (Mt 10:16, 17). Beware of men, that is also not such a nice statement, right? Though, love does prepare and protect the ones loved and gives honest assessments of those involved. Yet, it bears no grudges; be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves. Be wise, be harmless, and beware. To be loving, then, is to be cautious. To be loving is to be wise. To be loving is to be innocent and harmless. How intriguing.

But wait, there is more. Jesus, immediately after issuing a warning against being a hypocrite and condemning others for practicing lesser evils than you do, which seems nice enough, says something that might not be apparently so. “Don’t give what is holy to the dogs, neither throw your pearls before the pigs, lest perhaps they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces” (Mt 7:6, 7). This doesn’t sound like such a nice thing to say, does it? I mean, is it not loving to share Jesus with others? Yes. But apparently, there is something deeper being said about what it means to love. Apparently, there is some wisdom needed in sharing holy things and loving others. Apparently to love is not a superficial warm and fuzzy gloss for our actions. Love, it now seems, does not belong to the poet, the coward, or the one who “plays nice.”

Because we are getting a little long here, we’ll have to leave a fuller exploration of that passage for another episode. For now, it is enough to see that there is more to God’s love than being nice and sometimes being nice can get in the way. So, for now, my prayer is that you will begin to pray; asking God to teach you how to love, to give you the wisdom (James 1:5) to love simply, wisely, and well. To… stay out of the shallows and enter the depths of God’s love. To learn to love so you can stop being merely nice. For that is where true life is found.

Well, what do you think? I’d love to hear from you, so please, go to simplenotshallow.com, and under the Simple Not Shallow Podcast section, find this episode, #7, and leave a comment for me there. Also, in the show notes, I’ll list all the verses I referenced, in the order and at the location in the transcript at which I referenced them. That way you can check me out to make sure I’m not totally in left field.  Also, please take a second to rate this episode and subscribe to this podcast through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify… or whichever service you use. Thank you. I’ll catch you next time.

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SNS 005: Who Are the Unlovable?

Thank you for visiting.

Click on the white arrow in the green button above to hear this episode. Below are the show notes. Feel free to read along, check out the Bible references I make, and subscribe through the podcast service you prefer by clicking any of the buttons on the upper right side of this post.

Also, to click the like button or leave a comment, please click here. Then simply scroll down to the bottom of the post and click like and comment away.

Thank you.

Show Notes

Last time, I mentioned that the increase in my ability to love the unlovable is a proof that God is real. Who are the first people that come to your mind when you hear the phrase, “the unlovable?” Is it the homeless person who has not bathed in a month? The one who is cruel to animals? A member of the opposing political party? Or perhaps a Christian brother or sister who does not think exactly as we do? This is what we are going to explore here in episode 5.

My name is Charles, and this is the Simple Not Shallow Podcast. A podcast for those who want a deeper faith, not a confusing one. That is what our name is about, keeping faith in Christ simple enough for a child like me to understand it and yet, not so shallow that when the storms of life hit, our faith runs aground. 

So, who are the unlovable? While only you can answer that for yourself, allow me to focus on some that might not have immediately come to mind. What about that church member who shoots down every idea you have, simply because it is not theirs; or worse, simply because it is yours? How about that Christian brother who always wants to argue because he always has to be right? Or How about that sister in Christ, the one who thinks she has the inside track into true Christianity and so knows the best way, the only way, to worship and love God. The one who is never content until she has had her 2 cents put in. Oh, let us not forget to mention the Christian who has a slightly different take on our favorite Bible passage or favorite Christian idea, you know, the one whom we are tempted to quickly deem a heretic.

Did a particular name come to mind? It would not be surprising if one or two did. Not surprising and yet also very sad. And what is even sadder is that Jesus knew we would consider our family so unlovely.

Indeed, he knew this so well that he was compelled to issue a command to love one another. Loving should be second nature to those who claim to love Jesus. Yet too often, this family has been torn apart through loveless-ness. Often from a very self-centered idea that we know better about… most everything related to God. Should we be sprinkled or dunked, use ‘contemporary’ or ‘traditional’ worship services, baptize infants or not, or even, what is sinful and what is not? And the list goes on and on and on and on and on. It is not hard to hear the charge of heresy being made, even over the smallest of disagreements.

What happens when we are not loving? I have seen people wield ball bats (figuratively speaking) while claiming, as they do so, that they are only “speaking the truth in love.” If that was the way the love, I really never want to see them say anything in an unloving manner…. I can honestly say that I have never seen such a ball bat used lovingly. Though, I have seen people love their use of one; simply because wielding it makes them feel righteously good. After all, at least they are doing something to correct a wrong… And Jesus knew we would do this. That we would treat our siblings with both disrespect and ill will. 

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also love one another” (Jn 13:34).

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another” (Jn 13:35).

Not if you have the “right” style of worship. Not if you have a “holy” looking building. Not if you always say and do “godly” things. Not even how “right” you are in your beliefs or how quick you are to correct the errant knave who is getting it wrong. No. It is how you show love to the unlovely, your fellow Christians, that will draw others to Christ. That is the proof that those not a part of God’s family need to see, in order to know Christ is real and in order to know that we are indeed his followers.

Please do not mistake what is being said. There are wrong ideas and there are heretical beliefs and these do need to be addressed and corrected. Yet, if we are truly following the command of Christ to love, we may find that we begin to speak softly while not carrying that big stick. Big sticks have their place; they are good when walking in a dark alley, on a wilderness trail, or even while playing in a baseball game. But not so much when dealing with broken humanity that is in desperate need of love.

I know it is more difficult to love than to judgmentally correct, no doubt about it. And I also know that when things are impossible for us to do, they are not impossible for God to bring about (Mt 19:26). This is very simple, yet it requires you to not be shallow. Are you up for it?

Will you venture into these depths? I hope so, for your sake. For in the raging storm, it is never safe to be in the shallows.

Well, what do you think? I’d love to hear from you, so please, go to simplenotshallow.com, and under the Simple Not Shallow Podcast section, find this episode, #5, and leave a comment for me there. Also, in the show notes, I’ll list all the verses I referenced, in the order and at the location in the transcript at which I referenced them. That way you can check me out to make sure I’m not totally in left field.  Also, please take a second to rate this episode and subscribe to this podcast through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify… or whichever service you use. And feel free to roam around the website, simplenotshallow.com. There is a blog, some videos (I’m not the most dashing looking individual, but I promise, I’ll not break your screen either.), and new things to be added all the time. And please let me know what you think, and if you have some suggestions for topics or questions you’d like addressed, let me know what they are as well. Thank you. I’ll catch you next time.